Brene Brown speaks about loving with your whole heart. Loving with wholeheartedly means you risk getting hurt and that you may feel uncomfortable. And it can mean trusting again may be difficult. There are a number of things to consider moving forward to avoid falling into a trap of self-preservation, protecting ourselves rather than dare love again.
First, know that we all want comfortable. This is normal. In fact, we will go to great lengths to be comfortable emotionally, physically, mentally. Especially when it comes to emotions we humans will even go so far as to numb the uncomfortable and, we can do this in a robotic, subconscious way without even realizing it. Numbing emotions can look like isolating ourselves, overeating, drinking or using substances to name just a few examples. We risk losing connection with others in favour of numbing which aims to keep us comfortable and kind of becomes our most immediate priority; a self-preservation. But in this process we also risk losing connection with ourselves. But know this, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Loving wholeheartedly means acknowledging that you will be uncomfortable. Loving wholeheartedly is you choosing you; it is you having the courage to be imperfect, having compassion for yourself and fully embracing being vulnerable to hurt and being exposed for who you really are. This can be scary for most people! That inner voice that tells you you are not good enough or that the other person won’t like the true you can be strong and powerful. The negativity of the inner voice can lead you down a path towards second guessing yourself, thinking and convincing yourself you are not good enough including believing you are unlovable. The inner voice can even lead to blaming yourself for another person’s bad decisions or failing to make the relationship work. Your confidence and self-esteem can most definitely be affected!
Learning how to trust again means putting yourself first and acknowledging that you are worthy. Acknowledging there is a negative inner voice and realizing that if the challenges of your inner voice are strong and linger this could lean into numbing the uncomfortable. But you can also unfold the uncomfortable in a way that feels safe and supported. You can do this by seeking the services of a helping professional. This can help you to move forward and towards loving wholeheartedly.
A helping professional can assist with understanding how the impact of the current relationship contributes to linger and potentially unresolved self-doubt that can lead to fear of trusting a significant other person again. In therapy, some people may choose to go into depth about early caregivers in their life and how their interactions with these caregivers became a template for future relationships, including the one you may be struggling with presently. Others in the therapy process may chose to focus on the future and positive growth as well as solutions and strategies on not only how to put yourself first but understanding better why this is important towards learning how to trust again and love wholeheartedly.
Ideally acknowledging that you aren’t perfect, that you are hurting and choosing to do something purposeful with the emotions is key to learning how to trust again.